The earliest record of the use of coffee stirrers is in cave paintings discovered at Lascaux in France dating back 13,000 years to 11,000BC. The painting depicts two warriors holding brollies and lots of Lottery Instants, fighting over the ownership of a large coffee stirrer. The earliest stirrers would have been made from mammoth tusk, or flint. Or Chipstix

In a bit later on in time later, the Romans introduced the brass and later the polyethyleneterephthalate coffee stirrer. A bit later on, Harold on the Bayeaux Tapestry was mistakenly depicted as being shot in the eye by an arrow. However as is now known, he was hit in the eye by a flying fragment of coffee stirrer which had been snapped by one of his courtiers in Ye King of Burgers restaurant at Hastings in 1066.

Since modern records began, in 1997, there have been in excess of 3,000 coffee stirrers manufactured worldwide, grossing over £1,700 worth of business annually per annum each year. Illegal stirrers made in sweat shops a long way away are becoming a global problem as organised crime begins to flood the market with substandard stirrers. In May 2002 four people were killed when a lorry carrying a consignment of forged stirrers ploughed into their Corsa 1.2i Merit on the M26 near Gland in Elmlea, Sullonshire; and a man was almost decapitated in New Thicker, Harpicshire, when a counterfeit stirrer exploded expectedly.

Margaret Thatcher in her keynote speech at Stirrexpo in Coventry in 1982 spoke about the need for all British industry to be crushed into the ground like worthless dust, except for the coffee stirrer industry. She had fulfilled her promise by the end of the decade.

So, business is booming in the Stirrer industry, just think the next time as you stir your coffee, how much history is behind this elegant, understated little ‘pastinaca’, add another sugar and think fondly of our underestimated friend the coffee stirrer.

© 2002-2005 Rubbermullet